5 cared.

Ever had that point in life where you just stayed in your bed for days, and the only reason you got out of it was to get your instant bowl of noodles?  Wait.  Ever had that point in life, one too many?  It's a cyclic redundancy check.  

Every so often probably after one busy week, like a week doing kitchen duty, or one big achievement, like college, I get into the days of instant noodles.  Back when I was in college, it didn't scare me.  I had excuses.  A tight budget, break from school, no homeworks, the heat.  At post-college, even post-break-up was not an excuse.  You might be tired hearing the same things.  Is she complaining about her break-up again?  On the contrary.  I got up to write today, to come clean.

What scared me about the Instant Noodles was that perhaps, after I had achieved some 10 lbs of weight loss and got used to it, my system had achieved "Normality" and got me back on the Instant Noodles diet.  Maybe my normality was the Instant Noodles, and the other stuff happening in my life were the phases.  Perhaps my parents were the root of all this guilt-tripping.  Even when I was ten pounds lighter, they were still not satisfied.  Then again, it wasn't them.  After spending days in bed, I realized it was simply because, I had no one to go out with.  I needed a diversion.

I had always wanted to join a sports club.  Primarily for health reasons, and also, to get a bigger circle.  To begin with, living a new life in this city, I had no circle at all.  Sure I had a cool monitor, a kick-ass PC, but I didn't play online games to at least have an online social life.  My circle involved only myself.  Me and my instant noodles. 

Me, and my instant noodles, and my sudden cravings for Piknik and cake. 

I decided this had to stop.  And I thought that one way of stopping it was to really accept reality, even in cyberspace.  It got me thinking how funny it was that cyberspace scared me, when I used to consider my life as an open book.  If I was to stop my craving for cake, I should be able to say that I had probably fallen in love.  A friend once told me that I should just accept that if I wanted a relationship so bad, I should be in one.  Was I so scared of being called a skank by getting in a relationship when I was not over my previous one?  Not over?  Really?

Being in the Instant Noodles phase probably signalled that I was getting too comfortable.  With what, I wonder.  The normality that I had achieved was probably being the damsel in distress.  I was back to having a messy room and my instant noodles.  Although my ambitions had changed, deep inside, I was still going to yearn for instant noodles, Piknik, and the occasional cake.  As much as I wanted to pull off being independent and grown-up, maybe I still wanted someone to rescue me. 

2 cared.

The rules :

1.) Put the logo in your blog
2. ) Write five things you are passionate about apart from blogging
3. ) Tag 5 people on your lists and let them know you tagged them.

Right.  I don't really know if I'm passionate about blogging.  I mean, look at that logo. Passionate Blogger in curvy letters.  I had this idea that blogging sounded too much like fangirling.  But well, I do have a blog, yes.  In my vain attempts to keep it breathing, I realized it is what it is.  A way for people to know what I'm on about.  And those people care.  I'm good.

So after the long disclaimer, I shall move on to my passions:

. . .

Okay so I knew it wasn't that easy.  I need time to think about it okay? Like um.. I was supposed to buy myself this big planner as a symbol of my embracing of the adult world, that I accept my responsibility to take care of myself, and know where my last cent went.  I had written a few paragraphs that would soon be part of my book: "The Moving-On-To-Adulthood Chronicles" which I decided would be a story five years in the making, excluding the writing and editing and publishing parts, therefore accepting that I would officially reach adulthood in 5 years. 

And as usual, when I drink with my sister, we argue over big stuff like politics, agrarian reform, the future.  Just last week we had our usual bout, and she always, always made me cry.  Even at our twenties, she'd still make me cry.  This time we were talking about idealism, and ambitions, and dreams.  And I told her I was a coward for never having the guts to pursue my career as a performer/vocalist/whatever.  She said I was all screwed up.  If I didn't have the guts to go after it, then it wasn't a dream.  I think she misunderstood me.  She thought I didn't have the guts to go up on stage.  A band came up on stage when suddenly: 

Jango: You have no guts? Go up there and sing, prove to me that you really want it.

BB: You really think I can't go up there?

Jango: I'll ask them to make you sing, if you say it's your dream.

BB: I dare you.

She starts waving to the band and pointing at me, shouting my name.  In all that noise, the vocalist actually understood what my sister wanted, and called my name and asked me to sing.Well, with three bottles of beer I was pretty drunk.  I ended up explaining to the crowd that I was indeed drunk.

The thing is, I knew I had the guts to do it.  And I think I pulled it off, in that condition.  What I meant by being a coward was actually not choosing it to be my number one dream, not even trying to assert myself and get known, not trying to be discovered.  I didn't have the guts to follow it, stick to it, and trust it as if my life depended on it.  I kept it in the dark, suppressed, hoping that one day it would precede me in death.  That at some point at 57, while I'm filthy rich, I could honestly and peacefully say "It was never meant to be."

So I ended up writing none of the 5 passions I'm supposed to write.  It's hard, and I thought it's something I could have answered at 15.  Right now I can only afford to focus on one thing: The Culinary Arts.  And yes, I'd be running after it, desperately grab on, as if my life depended on it. 

From Aking.  I know you'll have it all someday. 

I tag: Rac, Leni, Bonnie, the storyteller, and David.  I'd like to hear what you are passionate about in life.  Seriously.  I know it's better to discuss it over some Belgian waffles and fraps, but we're kinda left with no choice.  Consider this a bonding moment, a mushy thing to do, once in a while.