Entries for June, 2008
When my parents told me to study Culinary Arts in Cebu City, I said yes. They were to pay for my full tuition and school expenses. To ease the guilt I said they wouldn't need to give me allowance. I'd work for it myself. And so everyone had high hopes for this new thing. I was to go to Cebu to pay for the reservation fee. I am at the verge of ending my second day here, and the God of surprises is still having so much fun with me. I say "Bring it on!". So confident in words, when in reality I am crushed. To tears.
No. 1: Beggars Can't Be Choosy.
The first step was to look for the school building. We were told it was right across ______ High School. When we looked, there were no "buildings". There were old houses and karinderias. We asked around and were finally directed to a house with a gate. My dad and I looked at each other. Oh I knew what he was thinking. His face said it all.
The school was this old house, with extensions at the back. I was able to look inside the pastry kitchen, and I felt relieved. As the saying goes, don't judge the book by its cover. Besides, my dad and I heard testimonials from family friends. The place was run by an excellent faculty, the curriculum sounded good, the students got to have internships abroad, etc. etc. I'm an optimist, by the way.
No. 2: I am Black Sheep.
Now that I was to live here in Cebue, we had to look for a place to stay. My sister was living in a rotting house which she described to me was termite-infested. I had not yet seen the place. An option was to move in with her, if the place was okay with me.
When I went to inspect the place, I was speechless. My sister's roommate Lai said the place had an ideal price in an ideal location, but it was deteriorating. Who knew the structure would cave in someday too? I couldn't tell. By termite-infested, they meant termite-infested. The kitchen cabinets had decomposed to earth matter. My father was willing to pay for the fixes but I estimated 30-50k, which I thought was not worth it for something we didn't own. I suggested that if we found a newer place for the same rent, within the same area, then it would be perfect. But my sister snapped that I was not even here all this time to look for a new place, and apparently I wouldn't be here to manage the repaires if the plan was to take effect. So she said I had no right to complain. I said it was beyond my control because mom wouldn't allow me to stay here until I got a job, and they were paying for my survival. I was still thinking about the school, then I was bombarded with depressing stuff like this, I could not help but burst to tears. Hello, Real Life.
No. 3: When The Cat Is Away, The Mouse Will Play.
Upon hearing our "sisterly" conversation, my dad had decided to move my flight to a later date to buy time to look for that perfect apartment. But my sister had work, and my dad had to play golf, and I didn't know Cebu city enough to be looking for the place myself. I also did not have anything packed, as the trip was originally one night only. My dad left me his ATM card. I thought I was really depressed today, or it's probably PMS. And there's one tried and tested quick fix to euphoria and back. Ladies and gentlemen, this shopping express is brought to you by Daddy's gas card, thank you. I almost gave my father his first heart attack when he found out how much I spent. (This information has been proven to be a health risk and will not be disclosed.)
No. 4: There's Bo's Coffee Here.
The culinary school could not provide a definite schedule of classes. Just that some weeks had three class days, some weeks had seven. Hours were not definite either. This popped the bubble of maintaining "regular" work while going to school. I thought my best bet was to really go for home-based work, or freelance.
The people around me suggested the call center. There were 6-month contracts that I could apply to. This was fine with me. But I wanted continuous work so that I didn't have to look again when school started. It was just hard to look for that particular work, but I was doing fine with my design/graphic work that I'd been doing for a year now. I was doing fine in Manila.
Note to self: Baboysai is no longer in Manila.
I swallowed. My chest tightened. My body went numb. It was not that I wasn't up for it suddenly. But I had a rough two days and I just wanted to pause, and probably complain, then get on with it. That's how I always got through things. Bo's. If it's times like this, Bo's it.
This place, Cebu, was the origin of Bo's. But it still didn't feel right. I could not complain to my parents. Pressured to earn my own money, find my own place, and prove to everyone that I live it, my heart ached. I read that note to myself and realized the sad truth. I had no friends here. I was alone.
I remember saying if it's worth it, I'm not a quitter. I must be a witch. Because I believe in guts. Bring it on, I say. And fuck it all!
So I started writing, and it was getting good, and I suddenly closed the browser for some reason, without saving my draft, and I'm annoyed, so I probably won't write it again, whatever it was. 
Since I'm here anyway, I'll just do an update of my life, for those who care. I'm now officially hooked to golf. I want to play it everyday, if I can only have someone to play with. Playing it alone is scary. It's a war zone out there. These 7-year old kids nail it better than I do.
Other than that I'm on my butt, doing nothing. It'd have been good if I was writing while sitting on my butt, but I'm doing nothing. Oh wait, I'm not really doing nothing. I play the Sims 2. And just so you have an idea how much time I spend on it, this whole town is now occupied with the children of my first family. And I play all the houses.
Well if I'm in the mood to write a more decent post without clumsily closing my browser, I'll let you know. That's the least I can do. 
Baboysai reads Suzumiya Haruhi
Baboysai watches nothing!
A news reporter headlined this summer as The Summer of Discontent. Every news channel was all about the rallies, oil, and natural calamities around the world. I looked into the mirror.
Show me that game-face, baby.
Just great. 21 years old and I still had breakouts. It's not that I think I'm a superior being but other people were supposed to get those pimples. Just when I was about to go for my final interview. Then I wondered. What did employers think about applicants who had pimples?
I tried out the blouse I'd wear for the interview. When I opened the buttons it was probably the first time in my life I saw myself like that. It was horrible. This was not a grown woman's chest! Between the breasts that were hidden from the view was a vast desert. 21 years old, at 130 lbs., and I had no cleavage. I was no hermaphrodite! I thought at least when I gained weight this could be compensated. It was fine to gain weight as long as my stomach could not match my breasts in horizontal distance from my spinal column. But if my breasts remained like this, and my stomach was ever growing as if it had a fetus inside, this was dangerous. I would no longer count as "hot".
After hearing me, my friends would often say "you'd been complaining for four years, so what's new?" What's new was that while I was sitting and typing this, I could feel the skin of my stomach pressing against my breasts.
Just a few days ago I decided to decline a high-paying call center job for a more "challenging" work with lesser pay. I might sound like a princess complaining about her cellulites, but the truth is, I'm scared shitless. I am about to embark on a new voyage. Consider it a new dimension entirely. It's not like the line from my childhood will continue. It's as if the end point of that line has been lifted to a different axis and allowed to continue in a new direction. Jesus Christ, I'm talking in planes and figures!
My mother told me that the only way to pull through with work was thinking it was my only means of survival. I needed it, and without it, I'd starve. Worse, I couldn't shop. And so I recited it in my head a hundred times: Do or Die. She cut me short.
"Bear in mind that if you screw this up, you'll be pulling your school's name with you."
University of the Philippines- a breeding place for n00bs.
That was the scarier thought. I couldn't do that to UP.
So I was now four hours away from moving out of my parents' house. For good. My parents had officially lifted the chains. In four hours I was to become one of society's... er, problems. I was about to become one with Reality like having sex for the first time with the lights on. When Do or Die sounded too negative, I'd switch to Love and Fight. It was kind of early for me to conclude about life but for now I decided there were only two things that a person had to do to survive: Love and Fight.
Still, my stomach pressing against my breasts was the reality check I needed.
1. Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.
I would like to explain to Khonz that I totally forgot I was tagged. Yeah, such is the busy life of a bum.
Ahem. So here I go.
1. There are 5 books that are in one pile closest to me. This means... I am confused. Debating which to pick up, I examine which one is at least a centimeter closer.
a: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People;
b: Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World;
c: Epic;
d: Reader's Digest;
e: Wuthering Heights
I decide on a, not because it was closest, but because of the following:
This book, I never got past chapter two. And if I play along with this meme, something universal might just be revealed to me.
2-3. The fifth sentence goes:
An understanding of the principle of our own growth enables us to search out correct principles with the confidence that the more we learn, the more clearly we can focus the lens through which we see the world.
On that, I had recently been reading this book entitled "How to Speak and Write Better". The author of book A is making us readers suffer, when he should bear in mind we are not that forgiving. He should have remembered that he was writing for readers who were ineffective in the first place, people who probably had no patience to read that sentence a hundred times. No wonder I never got past chapter two. This book sucked.
4. The next three sentences go:
The principles don't change; our understanding of them does.
The wisdom and guidance that accompany principle-centered living come from correct maps, from the way things really are, have been, and will be.
Correct maps enable us to clearly see where we want to go and how to get there.
I should remove my bookmark from this book already.
5. Now I tag five people. If you are not chosen, it does not mean I don't like you, or that you have no place in my heart. I will be choosing by the following criteria:
5.1- that you will do this meme without a second thought;
5.2- or that you will have second thoughts but will do this anyway because I SAY SO.
And so I tag...
Lenibee, Racstar, Banuk, Reggie, Isocetin.
Reggie, it is actually acceptable that you pass. It is because I play favorites.
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