It has been a long time.
One of my dreams to be really good at something.
I feel a deep fire for it.
That's why, when I was told that only rich people could waste their time..
thinking about such impractical things, I cried.
I told them I was just drunk and being emotional.
But the truth was that, I was sane. And heard every word of it.
And it hurt. To be told that what you wanted to do for other people,
was something they don't need.

I wanted to open opportunities.
I wanted them to discover hidden or unknown passions.
I wanted them to see the beauty I found in it.
I was hoping I could change the way they looked at things,
if I could make them realize that they could do something with their hands.

I was told I was being too idealistic.
That in reality people wouldn't care.
That everyday people would think about how to get food into their stomachs.
And would not have time for pesky stuff like music...

I wanted to teach to children.
I wanted to make them hear how beautiful they could make it.
I kind of felt it was true.
My mother told me that if you did what you always wanted, you would surely succeed.
I kept saying this to myself, and anyone who ever doubted what they were doing.
She said that if only other people knew of how many possibilities there are to get by,
they'd surely find something they want from it all.

I realized that many of them only knew from the movies.
That there were unexplored fields they weren't able to have heard of,
that they could have been capable of succeeding in, if only they knew.
If only they were given the chance to learn, or try to see if they were good at something.

I was told I was being stupid.
That I could not feed them with the things I was willing to teach.
But because I found so much peace, so many hopes, in what I was doing..
And if I thought I could share it with them, they might also see.

It feels so good that you can make something beautiful with your own hands.
To hear yourself play.
To have felt so much out of what you were doing.
To have expressed so much emotion.
I thought it was something everybody needed.
I know without it I'd find it hard.
But I'm not like everybody.

"Real people don't care a damn about the things you say..
All they need is food and shelter, and things to get them by.
The way the University makes us all think we can change the world..
You'll realize it when you get there.
You can think of all these things because you don't have to think of earning your money!"

And I cried.
Because I needed music so much.
Am I not real? Am I really just idealistic yet... disillusioned?